Moonchild’s Breakdown

It’s been a while since I put my thoughts into words, especially on my blog. I got inspired by a friend of mine when we’re just savoring our girl’s night over cocktail drinks. We just missed the early blogging days. The digital diary kind, not the promotional blogs we are doing now, just our thoughts, carefully woven from one word to another expressing what we feel. So ya, here goes.

On new year’s day, I had a breakdown (not the first time) but consistently once in a year ever since I got back from living in Makati. A few weeks ago, I felt much acid filling up my stomach. I thought it may be just the alcoholic drinks I had nights before. Oh no, but the next day even after a full night of sleep, I am still not feeling well. During nightfall, I felt intense pain in my stomach again. Palpitation raged too and in a few seconds, I lost it. I felt shortness of breath, I’m trying to catch my breath as if I’m drowning. My partner had to hand me an empty brown paper bag to breathe in to. I’ve never done that before since, what, college?

Well, I thought I already calmed myself right there and then, nope. I was quiet, still, then tears just rolled down my cheeks. I don’t know why I just want to. I just had to. Like all the pain has eaten all of me up. But well, as I had to, I have to pull myself together. Now here I am, still writing this.

I thought I already got over whatever that is. Whatever this is. I don’t know, keeps coming back and now I am afraid it would be worse soon.

Today I knew about something. Something I just couldn’t disclose…yet. Just yet.

The beginning of the year was rough, even for the world. As if I can feel the weight of the world on me too. Right now. Right here. I wonder how I could get through this. How much strength can I exert? To what extent can I get everything together.

I wonder how much of positivism and prayers do I need to feel whole again. To feel and to know that everything is going to be okay. I just hope it’s going to be soon.

Anyone who felt a bit like this before? How do you pull yourself together? Every advice is much appreciated.

Thank you. ^_^





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